The First Three Weeks
Early Hours:
I’m climbing back from a hole that was black
But I’m not exactly sure what I think about that
Inside & Outside:
I tell them all what they all want to hear
But I’m not really sure that I make myself clear
Setbacks:
To fix my soul, each day I plan – one tiny little goal
But then it seems each day I fix just what I can’t control
The System:
They told me all that I must do
They gave me meds so I won’t be blue
But when I try to carry through
They say “Oh no we are not for you”
*****
Poor Eliza’s dear old Alfred P
Was in some ways exactly like me
Yet he was happy, he did not want more,
So unlike him I do deplore
That I am part of the undeserving poor
Meds and Moods:
The meds I’m on, they make me woozy
But at least for now I’m not a boozey
*****
My BP is low and then it is HIGH
First I’m in a hole than I’m in the sky
*****
My moods they shift from high to low
Sometimes I talk fast and then I talk slow
TEARS:
I cry because a stupid cat
Just brought in a big dead rat
*****
Yes I do believe that money can talk
It says “Without me life is dust and chalk”
*****
I pace around when on the phone I talk
And when it RINGS I cry and balk
I don’t like people, I can’t tolerate crowds
And I’m most upset at anything loud
*****
I feel sometimes I just can’t cope
And at those times I misplace hope
But then I think “No don’t wallow, don’t misbehave
It is just that you have become afraid
So rejoice that you still have your work
Even if you’re just a lowly clerk”
*****
I’m so ashamed when I shake and cry
And sometimes I really don’t even know why
Yet other times I can explain
But even then it causes pain
APOLOGIES:
When I stop leaking from my eyes
I’m going to have to apologize
It really hard but I must explain
Exactly why I did not refrain
It wasn’t just that I’m mad through and through
It’s just it seemed the right thing to do
I really know you all were there
It is just that I didn’t seem to care
saywhatumean2say 
Wow – thank you for sharing this…… Think you and Vern have had some kicks to the gut this year !
Wish I could put my thoughts down – cant seem to focus…..
Nancy. Sent from my iPhone
Hi Ms M:
Isn’t lack of focus a female dog? Yes this has been a bad year and it is not even over. I’d place it third in line for awfulness, just behind the year my mother died and the whole year I had mono, 1/2 of the year undiagnosed. However this has been my worst reaction to unbareableness and I’m “reaping the rewards”. Serves me right but it is hard. dru
Reblogged this on saywhatumean2say and commented:
Same thoughts….different years. sigh