Archives for category: Diary of a Mad dru
WILLFULNESS IS TRYING TO FIX EVERY SITUATION, WILLING IS DOING JUST WHAT IS NEEDED
Willfulness is Giving Up,
Willfulness is Refusing to Tolerate the Moment,
Willfulness is Sitting on Your Hands.
Willingness is Allowing.
When I’m willful, I fume. When I’m willing I listen
It is a long and eventful afternoon and I’m going out of my mind. My counselor agrees we should change to mecication management only but now my whole care needs to be transferred back to my HMO, which one year ago told me they wouldn’t see me and made arrangements for me to go back to this facility.
I’m crying and feeling hung out to dry again. I know I’m less volitile now a year later but I’m afraid. I hate where I’m at but am terrified of going backwards.
I want a Marguirta and some chips and to just forget this afternoon.
I hate everything and feel no happiness. What that mean dru, what that mean?
I hear gossip in the buzz of the flies on the window screen. Music in the white noise of the fan from the A/C. Crying in the water running from the faucet. A hip hop beat in the drumming of my ears. 
I can already feel it!
Panic is setting in because the days are getting shorter
(hotter but shorter)
I can’t stand change, I can’t stand heat,
I CAN’T STAND IT!!!
~~dru~~
Where do all those clothes go? The ones you just had on that pile over there? The socks that were a pair when put in the wash and a single RSVP when they come out of the dryer? That dress you only wore once and you know you hung up last week, right there at the place between those two others?
Well I know where they go. I had a dream last night and it came to me like things do in a dream.
While we sleep the clothes trolls sneak in through our dreams and mine our bedrooms and laundry rooms for the exact jewel like pieces that will complete their ensembles.
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BLAME IT ON THE DIRTY CLOTHES TROLLS
~~dru~~
I sat at a pool’s edge this evening, basked in the lovely setting sun, and swished my legs. You know what that Vitamin D and all that exercise got me?
I was up til 3 am and my regular pee schedule is 2am, 4am, and 6am.
I missed my 1st stop and probably won’t wake up for my 2nd and 3rd!
~~dru~~
The true substance of me
could be contained in one small volume,
the book of my whole life
in a column titled;
assets not debits
~~dru~~
posted for a daily prompt of volume
saywhatumean2say 